“You are too concerned about what was and what will be. There is a saying: yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the ‘present.’” -Master Oogway, ‘Kung Fu Panda’ The Present: Christmas Eve a year ago, I wanted to die. All the parts of […]Read more "Surviving Old Wounds: A Time Traveling Love Note"
When I was in middle school, I would get bullied. This is remarkably common for individuals suffering from developmental trauma. We are singled out as different because, for a number of reasons, we are different. With what we’ve seen and what we’ve experienced, we know about certain adult parts of life at a time and […]Read more "The Dark Side: Becoming Aware, Confronting, and Befriending our Demons"
I’ve bought my plane ticket back to Vermont. This is also back to my beloved daughter, as well as the place where it all came down. I am feeling a tremendous amount of fear: the logistics of dismantling the life I had helped to build, the feelings of shame at having ‘failed’ my job, the […]Read more "Home"
New Year’s day, 2018. I have woken up to panic after a wonderful evening. I’ve thrown some of my tried and true coping strategies at it (deep breaths, water, bad horror movies), trying to get more of the rest I came to Colorado to get. A relatively new strategy that has grown out of these massive […]Read more "New Year"
“Paradox in the Treatment of Trauma: The seeds of healing are in what we fear the most; illness is rooted in trauma-forged attempts at safety.” – Diana Fosha, PhD, 2002 I have finally experienced disintegration, in every sense of that word. I had built a life, worked hard at it, for just under a decade. […]Read more "Disintegration"
Testimony – 10/12/17 Thank you so much for this opportunity. I wish to dedicate my testimony to my friend Richard and my mother, who were both casualties of Adverse Childhood Events. My name is Ryan Lane, and I have an ACEs score of 5. I wish to present to you a brief history of […]Read more "Testimony at the Vermont State Legislature on the personal effects Adverse Childhood Events (ACEs)"
This post details my journey into exploring the lost sides of myself, and the attempt to make myself whole, again. Seeking the Inner Critic My inner critic has been my constant companion for as long as I have been able to remember things. At this stage in my recovery from trauma, the volume is turned […]Read more "Making Friends with the Supervillain and Discovering the Self"