A couple of months ago, I began to experience intense terror as I would settle into sleep. I would be appropriately exhausted and on the verge of sleep. As I would slowly drift away, a wave of terror would roll out from the middle of my body shaking me awake and causing me to not […]Read more "Sexual Trauma – Awakening and Journey"
I am recovering. And it is painful. When I was a little boy, my father abused me out of rage. I lived with him for years, living in fear of him, and with the continued desire to be loved by him. This has left me with the belief that I am constantly in danger, and […]Read more "Life Lessons in Childhood Trauma: Terror and Hope"
“You are too concerned about what was and what will be. There is a saying: yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the ‘present.’” -Master Oogway, ‘Kung Fu Panda’ The Present: Christmas Eve a year ago, I wanted to die. All the parts of […]Read more "Surviving Old Wounds: A Time Traveling Love Note"
When I was in middle school, I would get bullied. This is remarkably common for individuals suffering from developmental trauma. We are singled out as different because, for a number of reasons, we are different. With what we’ve seen and what we’ve experienced, we know about certain adult parts of life at a time and […]Read more "The Dark Side: Becoming Aware, Confronting, and Befriending our Demons"
I’ve bought my plane ticket back to Vermont. This is also back to my beloved daughter, as well as the place where it all came down. I am feeling a tremendous amount of fear: the logistics of dismantling the life I had helped to build, the feelings of shame at having ‘failed’ my job, the […]Read more "Home"
New Year’s day, 2018. I have woken up to panic after a wonderful evening. I’ve thrown some of my tried and true coping strategies at it (deep breaths, water, bad horror movies), trying to get more of the rest I came to Colorado to get. A relatively new strategy that has grown out of these massive […]Read more "New Year"
“Paradox in the Treatment of Trauma: The seeds of healing are in what we fear the most; illness is rooted in trauma-forged attempts at safety.” – Diana Fosha, PhD, 2002 I have finally experienced disintegration, in every sense of that word. I had built a life, worked hard at it, for just under a decade. […]Read more "Disintegration"